What’s funny?

I do comedy now. Like real comedy, not journalism.

And it has left me asking this question. What’s funny?

Turns out, NOTHING IS!

Feminists get offended on women jokes.

Bhakts get offended on Modi jokes.

Bhakts and feminists get offended of Durga maata jokes.

Muslims, well, they don’t get offended. They just explode… in laughter.

Nah not really. I just said that because it was making a good joke. It might have offended some people.

Make a joke about animals, the Jain community and the odd Malayali who switched to vegetarian food gets offended.

Make fun of the Jain community and PETA gets offended.

Make fun of Chennai floods, people call it humour in bad taste. Lol. Log vaha mar rahe hai bhenchod tumko taste ki padi hai? Masterchef chala raha hai tumhara baap yaha?

Then they said the answer is within you. So I made jokes about myself. I started getting offended.

Ok bye.

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The mad dog theory

I’ve heard about The Big Bang Theory. What on earth is the mad dog theory? Calm down, calm down. Do not get agitated. I will explain.

The mad dog theory is about mad dogs. Duh!

Well, dogs are lovely animals. I am very fond of dogs. I love them. My parents love them in limited numbers. So everytime I ask them if I can get one, they very politely tell me that they have one in me and do not need more. :/

Okay no, this post isn’t about my love for dogs.

The dogs, they seem pretty normal, from the outside. All day, they just screw around here and there doing nothing. But they all, trust me, they all go MAD in the night.

This is how they are in the day. 'We don't give a fuck nigga' attitude. :D
This is how they are in the day. ‘We don’t give a fuck nigga’ attitude. 😀

My work timings are a little screwed up. My work goes on till say 12 am or so, and when I return home, there are dogs all the way to welcome me. Thank you Secunderabad Cantonment Board for not taking care of these animals.

Let me describe it for you.

Silence everywhere. Just the sound of my bike. And one earphone plugged in playing Pink Floyd mostly. That’s my ‘when I’m travelling back home’ band. Yes I have such things. :p

I see a group of dogs up ahead.

They’re just lazying around. I am just travelling. We’re ignoring each other. The same way you ignore your ex. :p I had to bring that up didn’t I? :p

Suddenly, the dog realises I am coming. I realise that the dog has realised that I am coming.

I am still ignoring the dogs. But the dogs, well they aren’t ignoring me anymore. They’re looking at me like I owe them money or something.

Yes, that's the look. The on that the black dog has.
Yes, that’s the look. The on that the black dog has.

‘Beeeehaaooouiuww!’ says the dog and all the eight mother fucken assholes start running behind my bike.

Now mind you all this is happening is a matter of seconds. The basterds run after me. Till they think its all cool. Then there is a next set of dogs. And it doesn’t stop until I reach home.

 

But it ain’t over yet! 😀

 

So I wanted to get rid of this shit. So what I do now is when the dogs chase me, i stop the bike and take me bike towards them. So almost every night, I end up chasing the dogs.

The secret is, I don’t think they know I will freak out if they chase me back. :p Lets keep it that way.

Lesson learnt: Make your enemy believe you are stronger. Because the day he figures out you aren’t, you’re fucked.

Lol, just kidding, the lesson learnt is every time you’re bored, you can blog and annoy people. :p

A love story?!

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Guys asks girl out. Girl says no. After a few days says yes.

Guy and girl are happy. Happier than they ever were in their life.

Guy and girl start loving each other even more.

Guy and girl have friends. Some they love, some they hate and some, they just mock.

Suddenly, guy and girl fight.

Girl leaves guy. Guy is in depression.

Girl is friends with the friends they mocked together.

Guy goes psych. Guy kills mocked friend.

Guy kills girl. Guy kills himself.

Then guy wakes up. It was just a dream.

And there’s just one thing the guy can tell- lel. :p

 

 

 

Whatever that meant, do not take it to heart. :p Well frankly, i do not know what it means. But somehow, my blog has the knack of making people believe it is about them. Well, if this does that to you, then buddy, consult a doctor. For two reasons. First, ofc, you connected to this shit. Second, you actually read my blog. I mean who reads my blog?! I mean not even I read my blog. I mean I do, but i do not admit it. :p

 

Okay lel. :p

 

Music.

Music, it is one of the best things to have happened to human kind. This blog isn’t about anything in specific. Neither is it related to any kind of event. It is just random thoughts that occurred to me while listening to a song. So, if you’re expecting something mind blowing in the blog, well, stop right here! 😀

Music, as i have learnt is one thing that remains with us throughout. Unless you’re dumb, in every sense of the word, you are hooked to music knowingly or unknowingly at some point or the other. Be it the Ghazals of Jagjit singh or the loud base guitar of Metallica, the slow beats of a Hindi classic or a Devi Sri Prasad chart buster, music simply is out of the world.

Something that i found on Google! :/
Something that i found on Google! :/

When i say music, I’ll keep out the contemporary forms of music , which include Dubstep, trance, house blah blah blah! Yup, all that is crap. All that is manufactured on the computer, so it is rubbish. And if you disagree with me, haha! keep commenting, this is my blog! :p I decide the rules here. B-)

So, coming back to the point, music apparently is one of the very few human activity which involves the use of the entire brain. Technically, you’re at your best while listening to music. Also, a study has proven that listening to music while work can improve productivity. Unless, ofcourse it is a call centre. It can be hazardous there! :p

So, what’s the point of the blog? I have no clue. But one thing is for certain, Music is kickass and there’s no denying it! 😀 Jai Hind!

Why are you still reading?! It is over! There’s nothing in it. Try reading it a million times and still you won’t find a piece that makes sense! :p

Seriously! :p
Seriously! :p

Dear lord! My blog is as annoying and irritating as I am! 😀