Men aren’t the enemy

‘Feminists look away now!’

You didn’t, did you? I’m sure most of you’ll went, ‘Why should a man tell me what to do?’

Well if you’re one of them, you are a part of the problem. And I’ll tell you why.

I hail from a family of strong independent men. Men who never hit their wives. Men who never hit their children. Men who never accepted dowry. Call it tradition or genetics, this was passed on to me.

Me, like all men of my family believe that women can do whatever they want to. And the right to do so isn’t ours to give them. It has been, is, will always be their call. By means of this explanation, I assume I am not a chauvinist. Neither are any other men in my family.

But my inhibitions were soon shattered. Because I’ll tell you what, the main problem is with this new sect of ‘women rights activists’ who will cry foul and play the victim card at any given time. Who will call me a sexist for calling my best friend, who is also a man, a bitch in good fun. Who will take offense on songs like ‘Balam Pichkari’ and say shit like the song is a symbol of male dominance because that is what ‘pichkari’ means.

These women will never travel to a village to help the poorer women. These women will stand up and shout slogans against men while demeaning house wives for what they’re doing. These women will sit in their upper middle class to very fucken rich houses and cry death to men, while having made sure their husband got a BMW as a ‘present for marriage’ and ‘not dowry’. That’s like saying ‘hey I got raped but it wasn’t rape because I was in the mood for sex anyway.’

And this class of women aren’t alone. They are backed by the new age rich men who have studied in Harvard/Oxford/My Father is pretty loaded institute of pretentiousness/IIMs (for low self esteem people). These guys come up with black and white videos on  any event related to women and give statements like ‘We are sorry, women. On behalf of all the men, we accept everything wrong with you is our fault’ while a sad tone plays on the piano in the background.

Really? I get it, the stars do it for becoming famous, but at the cost of feeding this bull shit to a generation of youngsters who at one point were certain Roadies was the best they could do in life? Is your need to be cool really worth all of this?

Tell you what, your form feminism is a failed ideology. It will never get close to even understanding the problem, let alone solving it and making the world a better place to live in.

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This is how stupid you sound.

The real problem is the system, not men. Right now you must be thinking ‘but it was men that created the rules’, hold on to that thought. It was women who backed it.

It is generally the mother in law that has an issue with the daughter in law taking up a job. It is generally the mother who has an issue with her daughter wearing small clothes. People say shit like menstruating women should not be allowed into the temples, it is the women who stop each other. If you’ll were really that righteous as you’ll claim to be, you’ll would have just carried on and done it anyway and before anyone could notice, the practice would have vanished. But no. And who is to blame for this? MEN?

I know the above is an over simplification of women’s issues and it doesn’t go to explain what the real issue is. Guess what ladies, that’s how shallow and stupid your version of feminism sounds.

I’m not denying there are asshole men in the world. But I believe it is time women understood that it isn’t men alone that are causing the entire inequality charade. Women are equally to be blamed for this. It is the system which is faulting women, it is the system which is pushing them back again and again. And if this modern day fuck all version of feminism is your answer to it, then good luck fighting for it till the end of the world because nothing’s going to change with this.

The only way change is possible when women accept the fact that men aren’t the enemy. The system is. And together we can overthrow it.

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The Dogman

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‘Once up on a time in a land not very far away, there lived a man. The villagers called him the dogman and were scared of him.’

There must have been a time when this was a completely right statement to start a story. But it is 2016. And we got all this bitch theories in our heads now. We now think very highly of ourselves and take our own rubbish thoughts very seriously. This has led to many bullshit theories coming up.

The first people to start complaining about this, as is the case very regularly these days, would be the modern Nazis, who happen to be worse than the actual Nazis. The only thing that is holding them back is the lack of a Hitler-esque figure and a lot of ammunition. “Are you trying to say a woman cannot exist on her own? You misogynistic pig! What a terrible world to live in.”

The second kind people this post would impact is the social activists. “How can you generalise villagers? Do you know how much they’ve seen in their lives? Have you even been to a village? Do you know how the caste system can destroy a person?! You metropolitan ignorant pig.”

The third people this post impacts would be the PETA guys. The clowns battling for animal rights in an age where people are being butchered mercilessly. But what is Syria to people who are on a mission to save hens?!

The fourth category of people this post would impact is the new breed of internet people who think a dog is the ultimate form of life. I love dogs but hey, how will you possibly stop a dog meat festival in China, a country that doesn’t give a fuck about the world’s greatest super power – America, with your stupid hashtags on Facebook? But they’ll still take offence because a dogman would have to be genetically engineered and it is cruelty against man’s most loyal friend. “You fucken pig!”

And since everyone in this post is calling me a pig, my mere existence would offend the religion of peace and no bacon.

And since I am using my freedom of speech in India, it makes the moral police in brown shorts my mortal enemy too.

And since everyone’s taking offence these days, some random Baba, who is a fucken Dogman, would also take offense and put me in prison.

What a good time to be alive. 🙂

What’s funny?

I do comedy now. Like real comedy, not journalism.

And it has left me asking this question. What’s funny?

Turns out, NOTHING IS!

Feminists get offended on women jokes.

Bhakts get offended on Modi jokes.

Bhakts and feminists get offended of Durga maata jokes.

Muslims, well, they don’t get offended. They just explode… in laughter.

Nah not really. I just said that because it was making a good joke. It might have offended some people.

Make a joke about animals, the Jain community and the odd Malayali who switched to vegetarian food gets offended.

Make fun of the Jain community and PETA gets offended.

Make fun of Chennai floods, people call it humour in bad taste. Lol. Log vaha mar rahe hai bhenchod tumko taste ki padi hai? Masterchef chala raha hai tumhara baap yaha?

Then they said the answer is within you. So I made jokes about myself. I started getting offended.

Ok bye.