The Dogman



‘Once up on a time in a land not very far away, there lived a man. The villagers called him the dogman and were scared of him.’

There must have been a time when this was a completely right statement to start a story. But it is 2016. And we got all this bitch theories in our heads now. We now think very highly of ourselves and take our own rubbish thoughts very seriously. This has led to many bullshit theories coming up.

The first people to start complaining about this, as is the case very regularly these days, would be the modern Nazis, who happen to be worse than the actual Nazis. The only thing that is holding them back is the lack of a Hitler-esque figure and a lot of ammunition. “Are you trying to say a woman cannot exist on her own? You misogynistic pig! What a terrible world to live in.”

The second kind people this post would impact is the social activists. “How can you generalise villagers? Do you know how much they’ve seen in their lives? Have you even been to a village? Do you know how the caste system can destroy a person?! You metropolitan ignorant pig.”

The third people this post impacts would be the PETA guys. The clowns battling for animal rights in an age where people are being butchered mercilessly. But what is Syria to people who are on a mission to save hens?!

The fourth category of people this post would impact is the new breed of internet people who think a dog is the ultimate form of life. I love dogs but hey, how will you possibly stop a dog meat festival in China, a country that doesn’t give a fuck about the world’s greatest super power – America, with your stupid hashtags on Facebook? But they’ll still take offence because a dogman would have to be genetically engineered and it is cruelty against man’s most loyal friend. “You fucken pig!”

And since everyone in this post is calling me a pig, my mere existence would offend the religion of peace and no bacon.

And since I am using my freedom of speech in India, it makes the moral police in brown shorts my mortal enemy too.

And since everyone’s taking offence these days, some random Baba, who is a fucken Dogman, would also take offense and put me in prison.

What a good time to be alive. 🙂


If you believe in god

I am an atheist. I speak against all forms of the mystical creature that is ‘God’. If that doesn’t go well with you, please do not proceed.

Here’s a list of things you should stop doing if you are a believer.

1. If you believe in god, stop fucking using technology. God said there is no power bigger than him right. Guess what, he had no idea about nuclear energy. It is bigger and even though will kill people, it is way less destructive than religion.

2. If you believe in god, stop fucking sharing his photos/videos on social media/whatsapp. Using technology is like using science. Science is reasoning; religion, well, we’ll have an entire blog for that. Science contradicts religion. So using science to propagate religion is killing the purpose itself.

3. If you believe in god, stop travelling far. Because you might fall off the earth. That’s what your god says, right? Do not go too far. Earth is flat. Everything revolves around the earth. That is what god told you. I’ll send him a letter to ask you to never let you join any space program, ANYWHERE.

4. If you believe in god, well, just fuck off. I mean no, it will not stop me from being friends with you or something, i’ll condemn you internally, like, for ever.

5 If you believe in god and say that all that human race has achieved is because god directed us to do so, well then i direct you to point number 4. Or if you’re too lazy for that, fuck off. Just fuck off. 😀

Ok bye. Someone knocked, i think it was god. Maybe he wants to kill me.

Nusrat ‘Electric’ Fateh Ali Khan

The word electric is often used to describe something that leaves you shell shocked. And Nusrat Saab is exactly that!

It was a long day, Gym, office, and the only thing that i possibly could do is sleep. And then i stumble across this Quawali by Nusrat Sahab, and it’s all gone. “Akhiya Udeek Diya’ is what it is called. When translated, it means ‘My eyes await you’ and it is a lover’s cry for his partner who has abandoned her.

The legend in action
The legend in action

Never have been a huge fan of Qawaali, but when Nusrat saab gets into his own, you can’t help but tap your feet. Those high notes that he his, unbelievable. I’m an atheist, and God is something that is non extent. But trust me, watch a performance of this legend and you’ll see something divine, something supernatural, something beyond the reach of science in his singing.

Those spontaneous lyrics, those sudden changes in the flow of the song and the continuity in which it all happens is brilliant. In the Qawaali i mentioned earlier, which can be found in this link- – There is electricity flowing through my body. It is times like these that make me feel elated that i know Punjabi. Every line means so much, every notehits a chord, what is this?! God perhaps!

While the singers these days need to run around the stage, trying to make people get up and cheer them, all Nusrat Saab did is change a note and send the crowd into a tizzy. It’s 2 AM after a long tiring day, and there’s not even a hint of sleep left after just one Qawaali.

One thing, that i will always regret is not being able to watch the legend perform live. Thank God for Youtube. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that if Music was warfare, Pakistan would be the world super power with people like him in their arsnel.