BIGGEST TRUTH ABOUT DINOSAURS, really.

Dinosaurs have always fascinated me. Maybe because unlike most of you’ll, Titanic wasn’t my first English film, it was Jurassic Park.

And The first time I watched the film, I freaked out. The scene where a fellow scientist’s hand comforts the lead actress was good till you realised that it was just the hand comforting her because the rest of the scientist had been eaten by a dinosaur.

Now, I’m not saying science is wrong. But honestly, none of us have seen or met dinosaurs. All we know about them comes from their bones that were found under layers of soil. Just kidding. All we know comes from the Jurassic Park series.

But what if (yes, this is where the absurdity begins) dinosaurs were nice people. What if all they wanted to do was cuddle? And be happy? And invest in an SBI fixed deposit so their child could go to a nice school after they died? #SarUthaKeJio #ProductPlacement

T rex
Awwww!

Now, I know what you guys must be thinking. “Leave science alone? WHAT RUBBISH”. We conveniently did that when we were killing Galileo for saying ‘bro I think the world is round’ or something like that. So why not just think about it for a harmless (yet awesome) blog?

So, back to my theory. Ever looked at a Tyrannosaurs Rex? It has such nice and small hands. And if we go by everything we have seen (A USP that both god and dinosaurs lack), anything with small hands is good – Babies, people who have small hands because of polio (because handicapped people are always nice), rabbits, squirrels, Sid from Ice Age. Such nice people.

But I’m not telling all dinosaurs were nice people. Some of them might have been right wing people. Who would pretend to be vegetarian and fuck up everyone else. Those long-necked basterds that Steven Spielberg’s movie portrayed in such good light might actually have been the assholes that fucked it up.

Because lets talk facts. (ROFL). Anything with a long neck is an asshole. Snakes (their entire body is a long neck and the only thing they are good for is creating medicine that cures their OWN FUCKEN BITE), giraffes, ostriches, ducks, the sea monster that attacks Hanuman in the cartoon Ramayan that was shown on Cartoon Network on every Diwali between 2003 and 2009, George W Bush (no seriously, look it up).

brachiosaurus
MORE EVIDENCE!!!!

To take my argument further, those vegetarian dinosaurs with the long necks are the Gujaratis of the dinosaur world. Because they eat vegetarian food, sleep early and spit on white girls (seriously have no idea what the last part means). But we all know when shit went down in 2002, the dhokla eating people didn’t spare anyone. And maybe, there was no meteorite that hit the earth. Maybe it was just these guys going and killing the cuddly and nice T-Rexs and their families.

Also, they look like dicks.

Makes you think doesn’t it?

In defense of Rahul, Trump

*If this blog post was a human being, that title would be a chic magnet*

Here’s the deal, I am not a fan of either Rahul (Gandhi, not Dravid. Dravid is so awesome. You should really be butchered if you call Dravid, Rahul) or Trump. But that doesn’t mean I cannot make a compelling case for them.

It was recently that I was at an open mic (the place where comedians go to be funny) and I heard a friend of mine speak in defense of Rahul. Here’s the funny part, for the first few minutes he  just had to sell the idea that Rahul might be forced in to politics and would be no different from Sachin Tendulkar if his father had forced him to become a playback singer. (3 Idiots reference. SEO BITCHES).

Sadly, the crowd did not find the supporting Rahul propaganda funny. They were upset. I glanced them for khaki shorts, but didn’t find any. Who knew that someone could be a Sanghi in a closet!

Now, to why I defend them (The foreplay is over). It isn’t because I think they are smart or because I agree with their ridiculous arguments. Rather, the support comes from the fact that these guys have become the punching bags of the society. They are what we call ‘cheap laughs’. Because people will laugh at them no matter what the premise of the joke is.

And you know the worse part, most people who laugh at them have no fucken idea why they are laughing. They laugh because they think it is cool.

Generally the people who laugh the hardest at these jokes are these Agarwals, Jains and the over enthusiastic Gujjus who have had at least 4 large pegs of bull sperm (FYI: that’s what goes into Redbull and gives you wings).

It is funny because a person who thinks wearing a pink shirt with a silver flower on it is okay is judging Rahul and Trump, who at least have made it to a stage where an entire nation comes together to criticize them. The irony.

These guys use Rahul as a cue to laugh and become cool. To make matters worse, none of these assholes know what Rahul and Trump are being criticized for. Fuck, that is too far-fetched, show these guys any random white guy in a suit and tell them it is Trump’s new picture and they’ll believe you.

It is these useless people that social media has given a voice to. If Hitler knew these people existed, he’d pardon the Jews and come after them. The allied forces would also join hands with Hitler and make the world a peaceful place.

Social media has given a voice to people who don’t deserve one. I know that as I make this proud declaration, some dude reading this blog would put me in that category. But hey, Article 19. Deal with it.