The diminishing fine line

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Morgan Freeman and George Carlin

Acting and Stand up comedy, across the globe, are slowly starting to come under the same banner. Although that can never be a problem, the fact that stand up comedians are also aiming to become actors might be a cause of concern for the traditional art of stand up comedy.

Speaking from a strictly purist stand point, it would be safe to assume that stand up comedy is all about being your real self on stage. And only people who actually are their real selves on stage manage to make it big in the industry.

George Carlin, Ricky Gervais, Louis CK and even Biswa Kalyan Rath for that matter are where they are because they just end up being themselves on stage, which is a completely new thing for audiences.

Often, stand up comedians are advised to be their original self on stage by experts of the field. And even though ‘being yourself is the best way to learn stand up’ might sound like a cliche, that remains the ultimate truth of the stand up industry.

Acting, on the other hand, is a completely contradicting art to stand up comedy in terms of its fundamentals. To be a successful actor, one must be able to let go of each and every aspect of his/her and adapt to the character he is playing.

Be it Morgan Freeman from Invictus or Nawazuddin Siddiqui from Gangs of Wasseypur, these actors are great because they convinced the world that they did not exist in the film. They convinced the audience that the guy they saw on screen was a person was actually a Mandela or a gangster from Dhanbad.

This is where my argument comes into play. As a comedian, a person must never let go of being himself, even for the silver screen. But if the comedian does let go of himself and plays a character in the film, and plays it brilliantly for that matter, he would never get back to the purist’s form of comedy again.

I am not saying that WILL ruin his comedy for certain. For all I know, it might end up being better. But that would ensure that every time the person goes out to do comedy, he will assume a character. He might say he is being ‘himself. But that ‘himself’ would be a character he cooked up in his mind with his characteristics and then play it out on stage. It is like wearing your own mask. Even though it looks like you, we can be certain there is something plastic about it.

Again, this post really doesn’t have a point or a supporting argument for any of these two sides. It is just an observation. And an observation, which I think often goes unnoticed.  For if it is noticed, we might have a completely different take on both – acting and stand up.

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The Dogman

fry

 

‘Once up on a time in a land not very far away, there lived a man. The villagers called him the dogman and were scared of him.’

There must have been a time when this was a completely right statement to start a story. But it is 2016. And we got all this bitch theories in our heads now. We now think very highly of ourselves and take our own rubbish thoughts very seriously. This has led to many bullshit theories coming up.

The first people to start complaining about this, as is the case very regularly these days, would be the modern Nazis, who happen to be worse than the actual Nazis. The only thing that is holding them back is the lack of a Hitler-esque figure and a lot of ammunition. “Are you trying to say a woman cannot exist on her own? You misogynistic pig! What a terrible world to live in.”

The second kind people this post would impact is the social activists. “How can you generalise villagers? Do you know how much they’ve seen in their lives? Have you even been to a village? Do you know how the caste system can destroy a person?! You metropolitan ignorant pig.”

The third people this post impacts would be the PETA guys. The clowns battling for animal rights in an age where people are being butchered mercilessly. But what is Syria to people who are on a mission to save hens?!

The fourth category of people this post would impact is the new breed of internet people who think a dog is the ultimate form of life. I love dogs but hey, how will you possibly stop a dog meat festival in China, a country that doesn’t give a fuck about the world’s greatest super power – America, with your stupid hashtags on Facebook? But they’ll still take offence because a dogman would have to be genetically engineered and it is cruelty against man’s most loyal friend. “You fucken pig!”

And since everyone in this post is calling me a pig, my mere existence would offend the religion of peace and no bacon.

And since I am using my freedom of speech in India, it makes the moral police in brown shorts my mortal enemy too.

And since everyone’s taking offence these days, some random Baba, who is a fucken Dogman, would also take offense and put me in prison.

What a good time to be alive. 🙂

In defense of Rahul, Trump

*If this blog post was a human being, that title would be a chic magnet*

Here’s the deal, I am not a fan of either Rahul (Gandhi, not Dravid. Dravid is so awesome. You should really be butchered if you call Dravid, Rahul) or Trump. But that doesn’t mean I cannot make a compelling case for them.

It was recently that I was at an open mic (the place where comedians go to be funny) and I heard a friend of mine speak in defense of Rahul. Here’s the funny part, for the first few minutes he  just had to sell the idea that Rahul might be forced in to politics and would be no different from Sachin Tendulkar if his father had forced him to become a playback singer. (3 Idiots reference. SEO BITCHES).

Sadly, the crowd did not find the supporting Rahul propaganda funny. They were upset. I glanced them for khaki shorts, but didn’t find any. Who knew that someone could be a Sanghi in a closet!

Now, to why I defend them (The foreplay is over). It isn’t because I think they are smart or because I agree with their ridiculous arguments. Rather, the support comes from the fact that these guys have become the punching bags of the society. They are what we call ‘cheap laughs’. Because people will laugh at them no matter what the premise of the joke is.

And you know the worse part, most people who laugh at them have no fucken idea why they are laughing. They laugh because they think it is cool.

Generally the people who laugh the hardest at these jokes are these Agarwals, Jains and the over enthusiastic Gujjus who have had at least 4 large pegs of bull sperm (FYI: that’s what goes into Redbull and gives you wings).

It is funny because a person who thinks wearing a pink shirt with a silver flower on it is okay is judging Rahul and Trump, who at least have made it to a stage where an entire nation comes together to criticize them. The irony.

These guys use Rahul as a cue to laugh and become cool. To make matters worse, none of these assholes know what Rahul and Trump are being criticized for. Fuck, that is too far-fetched, show these guys any random white guy in a suit and tell them it is Trump’s new picture and they’ll believe you.

It is these useless people that social media has given a voice to. If Hitler knew these people existed, he’d pardon the Jews and come after them. The allied forces would also join hands with Hitler and make the world a peaceful place.

Social media has given a voice to people who don’t deserve one. I know that as I make this proud declaration, some dude reading this blog would put me in that category. But hey, Article 19. Deal with it.

Been a while, will need a little more

Here’s the thing. The world has no place for sentiments what so ever. Take anything for that matter, sentiment dies soon. Sentiment is like jerking off to the world.

They do it, they feel shit for some time, then they just wipe it off and completely forget about it. Be it the Peshawar killings, the attacks in Paris or a broken heart, everything is forgotten by everyone.

However, the only thing that remains constant is the pain of the people who are still going through the suffering knowing that their chance to shine under the spotlight of sympathy is gone and now there is no turning back as they stare doom, right in its face.

But doom here isn’t death. Doom here is life. Doom here is living through stuff. Doom here is making peace with the fact that you don’t have something you used to. Doom here is understanding and living with the fact that you’ve lost it and its never coming back.

And the pain that comes with this sort of a doom is of a different nature. Because it is pain of the highest order. And it is pain that is here to stay. So with time you stop responding to the pain. But you know it is still there. And while you die slowly, each moment with this pain, all you tell yourselves is that ‘it’s been a while, will need a little more. But I am sure it will all be alright.’

Heart goes out to the people in Syria. I can only imagine what you guys are going through. Not exactly a ‘been there done that’ kind of a thing but hey, we’ve all seen pain.

Hang in tight.

What’s funny?

I do comedy now. Like real comedy, not journalism.

And it has left me asking this question. What’s funny?

Turns out, NOTHING IS!

Feminists get offended on women jokes.

Bhakts get offended on Modi jokes.

Bhakts and feminists get offended of Durga maata jokes.

Muslims, well, they don’t get offended. They just explode… in laughter.

Nah not really. I just said that because it was making a good joke. It might have offended some people.

Make a joke about animals, the Jain community and the odd Malayali who switched to vegetarian food gets offended.

Make fun of the Jain community and PETA gets offended.

Make fun of Chennai floods, people call it humour in bad taste. Lol. Log vaha mar rahe hai bhenchod tumko taste ki padi hai? Masterchef chala raha hai tumhara baap yaha?

Then they said the answer is within you. So I made jokes about myself. I started getting offended.

Ok bye.

Stay

Stay. The only four-letter word that I think comes close to the word love in terms of emotion.

From times immemorial, only two feelings have ruled the world. The desire to love and the desire to not let go of the person you love – stay.

Though the word doesn’t even crack the top 1….. 100 romantic lines, it, for me, remains one of those words with the purest of emotions.

Probably because you don’t want everyone to stay. Or even if you want them to, you don’t really tell everyone to stay. But when you are in love (and I am talking of love beyond your girlfriends/boyfriends), the desire to make them stay becomes the biggest driving force for the relationship.

Parents, grand parents, a friend, a brother or for that matter even a job that you love! You want it to stay. Stay in your life. Stay with you. Stay so that you can be happy.

I have no idea why I am raving about this word. Probably because it has been bothering me for a while now. The idea, of wanting to hold on to someone and ask them not to leave. Asking them to stay.

Think about it?

Isn’t the word just beautiful?

No? Watch Hans Zimmer’s S.T.A.Y soundtrack from Interstellar. I am sure you’ll understand what I am talking about.

Cheers!

Excel sheet

I like people.

Partially because I am one of them. But then there is some sort of a segregation in my head.

In my head, there are certain attributes to every person. I have ranked them either better or worse than me in various attributes like smartness, social skills, looks blah blah. This is a very personal thing just for my reference.

Now in my head, there is an excel sheet where all these attributes are calculated and a final over all chart of who is above me and who is below me is created.

Mind you, I do not impose this chart with people or let this effect my behavior with them.

But it is when people who are below me (strictly in my radar) come and advice me on how to live my life and how to go about things, it sets me off.

Again, in their head, I might be below them (if they have a mind complex enough to create an excel sheet in their head). But then that doesn’t give you the right to fuck around with my head/life/porn websites.

Yup. Feel better now.

Cheers.

Pedestals

We as human beings survive on two basic instincts. One: Survival. That is one thing that remains constant through our lives.

The other thing, judgement. The only way one can survive is through a good sense of judgement. Because if we didn’t have our judgement, we’d soon become the hunted than be the hunters.

But here’s the thing. judgement in itself is a very tricky thing. Gone are the days when we were battling other species to survive. We are way beyond that phase now. Now all we are battling is one another in this world that we’ve built for ourselves. And the thing with a world like this is judgement becomes irrelevant yet our ages of evolution does not let us let go of it.

Often, the instinct to judge someone leads to you either rubbishing them or putting them on pedestals. While rubbishing them is a completely fine thing considering the outputs of this can only be inspiring the other person to prove a point, putting people on pedestals is what does a lot of harm.

We form ideas and images in our head of how a certain person is. Say an idol for that matter. This is until you know them. Once you do, you see a completely different side to them. And sometimes, or let’s be honest and say most times, you find them not worthy of the pedestal you have put them on.

And we end up hurting ourselves in the process. We tend to give up on people very soon for no fault of theirs. Because at the end of the day, they were just being what they were. It was us that put them up there and now we’re disappointed that they did not match out thoughts which we never conveyed to them in the first place.

We humans certainly are a funny species! Take that dinosaurs!

One of those things

You see, the world is a funny place. And this isn’t a reference to my talent as a stand up comedian.

It is funny because every once in a while, you come across one of those things that takes you back days, months, years or in some cases even lives. Although I am not a believer of reincarnation, there are certain things that you do for the first time yet you feel you’ve done it. The exact same way.

“It is called deja vu”. Shut the fuck up. I am not talking about that. This is something. This is like a random memory.

Like playing a song reminds you of a few seconds from when you were six. Like you’ll remember nothing that happened before or after that incident. It will be like an exact 10-second full HD video of what went down in those 10 seconds.

It is weird because it is like your past is trying to communicate with you whereas in actuality it isn’t. Or maybe it is if time is a dimension that we are yet to understand.

I don’t know if it happens to others as well. You know I am hoping it does. Because if it doesn’t happen to others, I cannot afford a shrink right now :3

Guess that’s about it.

Later.

Men – oh – pause

I write this article at the risk of being labelled a sexist. Although that tag does bother me, I will go ahead and write this.

Right, so, Men – oh – pause (TM) is a phrase I came up with after my recent experiences with a few friends. You know how we men are always boasting about not being in a cycle that involves PMSing and that we’re always our cool selves. Well that is a huge lie. Most guys have a time of the year for a month or so when they go men-oh-pausal.

Yes, it is exactly what you think it is. The symptoms of menopause are seen in the same month. They start acting like a woman who is going through an extended mid life crisis even at the age of menopause.

To put it in a layman’s term, the friend/brother pauses being a man and starts acting like a stupid bitch. :p Trust me, there is no good way of putting it. Compared to what’s running in my mind, this is a very mild term!

While going through this men – oh – pause, men generally go full retard. They remain pissed off at their friends for no reason. They think their entire group is against them and have been pulling them down all their lives. At this point, they move to their tertiary friends and “start a new happy life” with them.

This keeps them happy for a couple of weeks before they start realising they are behaving like a stupid bitch. And just like the Snickers advertisement, they go from being a heroine to our old brother in matter of seconds and come back. This is usually common among men who have moved to new avenues, companies or even institutions.

That’s it I guess! Adios! 😀