In defense of Rahul, Trump

*If this blog post was a human being, that title would be a chic magnet*

Here’s the deal, I am not a fan of either Rahul (Gandhi, not Dravid. Dravid is so awesome. You should really be butchered if you call Dravid, Rahul) or Trump. But that doesn’t mean I cannot make a compelling case for them.

It was recently that I was at an open mic (the place where comedians go to be funny) and I heard a friend of mine speak in defense of Rahul. Here’s the funny part, for the first few minutes he  just had to sell the idea that Rahul might be forced in to politics and would be no different from Sachin Tendulkar if his father had forced him to become a playback singer. (3 Idiots reference. SEO BITCHES).

Sadly, the crowd did not find the supporting Rahul propaganda funny. They were upset. I glanced them for khaki shorts, but didn’t find any. Who knew that someone could be a Sanghi in a closet!

Now, to why I defend them (The foreplay is over). It isn’t because I think they are smart or because I agree with their ridiculous arguments. Rather, the support comes from the fact that these guys have become the punching bags of the society. They are what we call ‘cheap laughs’. Because people will laugh at them no matter what the premise of the joke is.

And you know the worse part, most people who laugh at them have no fucken idea why they are laughing. They laugh because they think it is cool.

Generally the people who laugh the hardest at these jokes are these Agarwals, Jains and the over enthusiastic Gujjus who have had at least 4 large pegs of bull sperm (FYI: that’s what goes into Redbull and gives you wings).

It is funny because a person who thinks wearing a pink shirt with a silver flower on it is okay is judging Rahul and Trump, who at least have made it to a stage where an entire nation comes together to criticize them. The irony.

These guys use Rahul as a cue to laugh and become cool. To make matters worse, none of these assholes know what Rahul and Trump are being criticized for. Fuck, that is too far-fetched, show these guys any random white guy in a suit and tell them it is Trump’s new picture and they’ll believe you.

It is these useless people that social media has given a voice to. If Hitler knew these people existed, he’d pardon the Jews and come after them. The allied forces would also join hands with Hitler and make the world a peaceful place.

Social media has given a voice to people who don’t deserve one. I know that as I make this proud declaration, some dude reading this blog would put me in that category. But hey, Article 19. Deal with it.

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Been a while, will need a little more

Here’s the thing. The world has no place for sentiments what so ever. Take anything for that matter, sentiment dies soon. Sentiment is like jerking off to the world.

They do it, they feel shit for some time, then they just wipe it off and completely forget about it. Be it the Peshawar killings, the attacks in Paris or a broken heart, everything is forgotten by everyone.

However, the only thing that remains constant is the pain of the people who are still going through the suffering knowing that their chance to shine under the spotlight of sympathy is gone and now there is no turning back as they stare doom, right in its face.

But doom here isn’t death. Doom here is life. Doom here is living through stuff. Doom here is making peace with the fact that you don’t have something you used to. Doom here is understanding and living with the fact that you’ve lost it and its never coming back.

And the pain that comes with this sort of a doom is of a different nature. Because it is pain of the highest order. And it is pain that is here to stay. So with time you stop responding to the pain. But you know it is still there. And while you die slowly, each moment with this pain, all you tell yourselves is that ‘it’s been a while, will need a little more. But I am sure it will all be alright.’

Heart goes out to the people in Syria. I can only imagine what you guys are going through. Not exactly a ‘been there done that’ kind of a thing but hey, we’ve all seen pain.

Hang in tight.

Stay

Stay. The only four-letter word that I think comes close to the word love in terms of emotion.

From times immemorial, only two feelings have ruled the world. The desire to love and the desire to not let go of the person you love – stay.

Though the word doesn’t even crack the top 1….. 100 romantic lines, it, for me, remains one of those words with the purest of emotions.

Probably because you don’t want everyone to stay. Or even if you want them to, you don’t really tell everyone to stay. But when you are in love (and I am talking of love beyond your girlfriends/boyfriends), the desire to make them stay becomes the biggest driving force for the relationship.

Parents, grand parents, a friend, a brother or for that matter even a job that you love! You want it to stay. Stay in your life. Stay with you. Stay so that you can be happy.

I have no idea why I am raving about this word. Probably because it has been bothering me for a while now. The idea, of wanting to hold on to someone and ask them not to leave. Asking them to stay.

Think about it?

Isn’t the word just beautiful?

No? Watch Hans Zimmer’s S.T.A.Y soundtrack from Interstellar. I am sure you’ll understand what I am talking about.

Cheers!

Excel sheet

I like people.

Partially because I am one of them. But then there is some sort of a segregation in my head.

In my head, there are certain attributes to every person. I have ranked them either better or worse than me in various attributes like smartness, social skills, looks blah blah. This is a very personal thing just for my reference.

Now in my head, there is an excel sheet where all these attributes are calculated and a final over all chart of who is above me and who is below me is created.

Mind you, I do not impose this chart with people or let this effect my behavior with them.

But it is when people who are below me (strictly in my radar) come and advice me on how to live my life and how to go about things, it sets me off.

Again, in their head, I might be below them (if they have a mind complex enough to create an excel sheet in their head). But then that doesn’t give you the right to fuck around with my head/life/porn websites.

Yup. Feel better now.

Cheers.

If you believe in god

I am an atheist. I speak against all forms of the mystical creature that is ‘God’. If that doesn’t go well with you, please do not proceed.

Here’s a list of things you should stop doing if you are a believer.

1. If you believe in god, stop fucking using technology. God said there is no power bigger than him right. Guess what, he had no idea about nuclear energy. It is bigger and even though will kill people, it is way less destructive than religion.

2. If you believe in god, stop fucking sharing his photos/videos on social media/whatsapp. Using technology is like using science. Science is reasoning; religion, well, we’ll have an entire blog for that. Science contradicts religion. So using science to propagate religion is killing the purpose itself.

3. If you believe in god, stop travelling far. Because you might fall off the earth. That’s what your god says, right? Do not go too far. Earth is flat. Everything revolves around the earth. That is what god told you. I’ll send him a letter to ask you to never let you join any space program, ANYWHERE.

4. If you believe in god, well, just fuck off. I mean no, it will not stop me from being friends with you or something, i’ll condemn you internally, like, for ever.

5 If you believe in god and say that all that human race has achieved is because god directed us to do so, well then i direct you to point number 4. Or if you’re too lazy for that, fuck off. Just fuck off. 😀

Ok bye. Someone knocked, i think it was god. Maybe he wants to kill me.

Home

The moon and the stars made the night look like a beautiful painting. Cool breeze blew across the city doing right to all the wrong the sun had done. The heat slowly settled down as the city was fast asleep, getting the much needed rest to deal with the next day.

As the clock struck three, he started to turn around in his bed. Thirsty, he was too lazy to get up and go fetch himself a glass of water, out of habit.

“Maa,” he called out half asleep, “I’m thirsty, water!”

He slipped into sleep only to wake up 15 minutes later. “MAA!! I’m thirsty!” he shouted. A hint of anger in his tone.

Hearing no response, he woke up, ready to give his parents a piece of his mind. Or a guilt trip, at least.

As he opened his eyes, his room looked different. This wasn’t his house. Bewildered and still waking up, he failed to understand where he was and how he reached there.

The confusion lasted a while, before he realised he was not at home anymore. He had moved into a new city, far far away from the comforts of home.

His eyes became numb. He had to speak to his maa.

“Haan beta, kya hua, itni raat ko phone? Sab theek hai na?”

A tear rolled down his cheek. “Haan maa, bas aapki avaaz sunne ka man kar raha tha.”

The chronology obsession

Let’s begin by saying I’m not a writer. I’m not a thinker. And if you follow my blog, you pretty well know, I am not a good blogger either.

#Modesty :p

So this one’s a serious one. If you’re here for fun, THOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Over the years (that is excluding the years I though Lesbians were what people from Lebanon were called, which roughly means over the last five years), I have noticed that human beings have some sort of obsession with chronology.

Everything in life, has to be in an order. I mean there are some things that have to follow a chronology, like being born, then growing old before eventually dying. Unless you are THAT guy from the Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

But then, why do we need to have an order for everything? Why study first and then go exploring your field?

Why marry first and then decide to have a family? Why not have a family? settle in, then have a marriage?

Why do people have to judge you when you eat your rice with rasam first and then eat sambar/dal during an Andhra meal?

I am sure most of my questions would come across as pretty stupid ones. But that is purely because an order has strictly been put into our head. “This is how the world works and you have no option but to follow it, or we kill you.” *cough cough* Galileo *cough*.

Who are these people who set the rules? Who are these people who force us to live our lives like a proper Rajshree Productions movie?

I don’t want to live it that way. I want it to be like Pulp Fiction. In an order I like and in a way that pleases me. And if it doesn’t please you, then fuck off, because a few years from now, you’ll realise it. But it’ll be too late by then.

PS: This is not a rant. My parents did not force me into engineering. I love what I do. This blog is just because I cannot digest the fact that many people cannot do what they love because of social convention and this entire chronology of life that we’ve created.

#MahLyfMahRulezz :’D

Did we need all this?

In the darkness of the night, my mind looms.

It goes places, it imagines things. It gives me a few answers in return for more questions.

One question that hit me recently, was ‘Did we really need all this?’

I’m sure there was a time, long long long long long ago, where none of this existed. The houses we live in, the buses we travel in or the computer I’m blogging from.

All that was there was our mother, the nature, and us.

I’m sure we lived in harmony. Till some son of a bitch decided to make fire.

Okay, maybe, fire was important. We could have stopped there? Nope.

Let’s use this to make new shit. Little did he know that he was creating a monster. A monster, so big and stupid, that it would engulf it’s own mother some day.

Look around you. You think we human beings were meant to live this way? In these houses?

I don’t think so.

We belong out in the wild. Because the wild is just a philosophy created by us to stop ourselves from being who we really are.

Try going to a river, or a forest, some day. Away from the hustle bustle of a city.

Somewhere, where you have fresh air to breathe and green grass to sleep. Let nature take you, for a day. You’ll realise what we’re doing is wrong. What is happening around the world is wrong. Everything, everything that we’re doing, is so completely wrong.

We’ve bound ourselves to useless things. Education, Jobs, Society blah blah blah. You think this is good?

If so, why is everything falling apart? Why do we have so so many new diseases? Why is there global warming? Why are species going extinct? Why is there so much wrong in the world? Why? Just why?

ball-65825_6401

We, as human beings, fucked up. Big time.

Sadly, it is too late to repair it.

But there is nothing wrong in questioning yourself. Were we right in doing this to the planet that raised us?

Did we need all this?

Can it get worse?

forcedmarriage

I’m not a feminist. If ever, humans would be classified into things, feminism would be the last attribute in me.

But it disgusts me. Our society. When I say our, I mean our Indian society. I’m not above it. I am a part of it. And I feel ashamed.

If you think about it, in India, as a man, you don’t need to be worried about getting married. Because somewhere out there, there is a girl’s family who are ready to pay you an amount of money to take their daughter away and enslave her.

All this because you were born with a dick. Cha!

Women are human beings, not chickens!

But it isn’t the dowry system that scares me. As the recent developments have proved, while the world is moving forward, we’re going backward.

My biggest worry is, can it get worse?!

Happy ‘ending’! Really?!

Happy Ending. A concept that I always fail to understand.

The only happy ending to me is the ending of a class, or a boring film or maybe a dish made with one of those evil green leafy vegetables.

But frankly, the way I look at things, endings are never good.

The very fact that you are willing to end it is an open statement that the time you invested in it was a waste of time.

I’m talking about projects, things, relationships (yes), a football match!

But obviously a football match has to finish, we cannot afford to see players die on the field.

So, endings. What are they? Why are they?

If you read my blog, you know I’ve been through a big ‘ending’. Trust me, it was anything but happy. It was shit. I know it is in the past, but ‘daym nigga!’ It killed me while it lasted.

There are many reasons for that to have happened. Not denying that. I will leave that topic for another day, another blog! (Yes, this is like product placement :p ).

When it ended, obviously there was the routine misery, pain, disinterest in living.

But since I’m intellect that I am (Ahahahahaha! 😀 ), a question popped up.

Was putting in all the time, effort, affection, emotion a waste?

You know, I’m an atheist. And things like ‘it was meant to happen’ don’t mean anything to me.

It is not like I want to be a psychic and know the future. But then, if you’ve put in so much in something, it doesn’t deserve to end, so sorely.

But that isn’t the point. The point is, the shit that the media and movies put in your head. That eventually all will be well.

BULL SHIT! Nothing will ever be well.

There will always be cunts who end things and there will always be endings that are never a happy affair!

Merci! (Fuck yeah, the blogger can speak French too! )