The corporate chewing gum

After 3 attempts of working in a corporate, (all of which ended in a not-so-good manner) I have come to terms with the fact that I can never work in a corporate.

My latest experience was with Amazon.com. Now, no offense to the company or what they do, the work isn’t something that one aspires to do. The people were very friendly and yes, I do miss my friends from that place, but then, the work was which led to  my exit from the organisation.

The problem of being in a corporate is the work is very boring. Trust me it is. It is like a chewing gum. The first 2 months at every place are brilliant. This is mostly because you are being ‘trained’ for the work. What is the work? I’ll come to that. 😀

So, you do nothing but sit in an air-conditioned room, listening to a person who tells you how to go about doing your work. Then, he gives you training on how to be, act and behave like an American. Americans, if you read my blog, you should know that in the training, they tells us that each and every one of you are sweet, obese and cranky. And to be successful at the job, we too have to be an American. No, don’t worry, there are enough of us there, we won’t apply for citizenship. By being American, we mean, trying to fake an American accent and terribly failing at it owing to our Indian accent and mindset.

Also, the corporates give you loads and loads of comforts. Making you lazy enough to not adjust anywhere. The comforts include 5-day week, pick up and drop, fake accents, a statement proclaiming that we’re the cool Indians who are above the regular ones, free food, loads of it and of course, the ‘rich culture of America’. It gets better when you get your salary, for enjoying all these benefits and doing nothing.

Look at all these sheep. :p
Look at all these sheep. :p

You wonder why are they paying you so much for doing nothing. Then, the work starts!

This is where it all starts falling apart. “Hello, I’m Richard (Yes that’s my American name), how may I assist you?” When you say this on the first day, you feel every word of it, apart from the pseudo name. :p

This sentence is used at least 40 times a day by a part timer. Initially, the customers’ queries are new, you love talking to them. 7 days into the job. “Hello, I’m Richard. (You start believing you are Richard) How may I help you? (In your head you are saying fuck this shit, why can’t you solve your own problems)”.

“My PC isn’t working.” Me: No problem, I’ll be happy to assist you. (Hell yeah, kiss my ass! I’m not at all happy about this shit.)

After 15 minutes of explaining what Windows is, the customer says “Oh, sorry, it was a mistake from my end. The power was off. It’s working now.”

What the fuck? Seriously? :D
What the fuck? Seriously? 😀

“Oh yes, sometimes that can be an issue (you dumb bitch). Is there anything else I can assist you with? (you rich pig with all the technology at your disposal.)” Sometimes, you feel like you are talking to an ape who knows English and has a lot of technology with him.

I can keep going with this for hours together. I believe you have an understanding of what I mean.

So, two moths into the job, you are frustrated, the pick up feels like a call from hell, the free food feels like peanuts when compared to what you do, and you feel like a jackass in front of the system trying to be someone who you aren’t. This is where corporate feels like a chewing gum you have been chewing for 17 hours. (Yes I’ve tried that).

So all in all, this is what is my understanding of the corporate world, or the corporate chewing gum. 😀

The corporate chewing gum. Looks as good as this when you start. :p
The corporate chewing gum. Looks as good as this when you start. :p
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